Steel Magnolias is peer support — not legal, medical, or mental-health advice or care.
01Welcome to the community
These are the community rules every member agrees to before joining Steel Magnolias: what we ask of one another, and how we keep this space safe and private.
02Protecting identities
Your name, your kids’ names, and the details of your life stay private here. A few rules keep it that way.
Rule 1 — No real names.
Use display names only — yours and everyone else’s. It’s the safest way to stay anonymous.
Okay: “My ex refused to sign the form even though our lawyer emailed them twice.”
Crosses a line: “Mark refused to sign the form even though our lawyer emailed them twice.”
Rule 2 — No contact information.
No phone numbers, emails, addresses, workplaces, or social-media handles — yours or anyone else’s.
Okay: “Anyone have a recommendation for a family-law attorney in the Pacific Northwest?”
Crosses a line: “Direct message me at jane.smith@gmail.com and I’ll send you my lawyer’s number.”
Rule 3 — No identifying details.
Even without a name, a few specifics — your job, your kid’s school, your exact court date — can add up to identify you. Keep the details general.
Okay: “I work in healthcare and my schedule makes custody handoffs complicated.”
Crosses a line: “I’m the only female emergency-room attending on the night shift at Mercy Hospital, and my ex keeps showing up at drop-offs.”
03How we share, how we listen
It’s tempting to give advice. But these situations are legally and medically complicated, and the wrong advice can hurt.
Rule 4 — Share what happened to you, not what someone should do.
What worked in your divorce could hurt someone else’s case. Tell your story; leave the legal advice to a licensed professional.
Okay: “In my case, I kept a written log of every missed exchange and my lawyer used it in the custody hearing.”
Crosses a line: “You should file for emergency custody right now. Your lawyer is wrong.”
Rule 5 — Say what helped you — don’t tell people what’s wrong with them.
You’re not anyone’s doctor or therapist. Naming a diagnosis from a few posts sends people down the wrong path.
Okay: “Therapy with a trauma-trained counselor is what finally helped me sleep again.”
Crosses a line: “Your ex is a narcissist, and your daughter sounds like she has attachment disorder.”
Steel Magnolias is peer support — not legal, medical, or mental-health advice or care.
04About your ex
This space is for working through your experience and finding support — not for attacking your ex.
Rule 6 — No character attacks on your ex.
Share what they did and how it felt. Name-calling is not productive. “This happened to me” stays; “They are X” doesn’t.
Okay: “They knew I had court Monday and pulled this on me Sunday night. I’m so tired of being blindsided.”
Crosses a line: “My ex is a narcissistic sociopath who ruins everyone they touch.”
05No screenshots
Rule 7 — No screenshots of anyone’s messages.
Not your ex’s texts, not your kids’ messages, not another member’s. Screenshots carry hidden details — names, timestamps, other chats — and share someone’s words without their permission.
Okay: “This morning they texted me that I’m ‘poisoning the kids’ after I asked them not to come early to pickup. That language is new.”
Crosses a line: Posting a screenshot of your ex’s texts, even with the name cropped out.
06What’s shared here stays here
Rule 8 — What’s shared in Steel Magnolias stays in Steel Magnolias.
Don’t repeat what members say — no quotes, summaries, or screenshots — anywhere outside this community. Not to a friend, not to your lawyer, not in a post online.
Women share the raw, ugly version of what they’re living through because they trust it stays here. The moment it leaks, the women who need this most go quiet.
Okay: “Something the community said really hit me — I’m going to bring my own words to my therapist this week.”
Crosses a line: Screenshotting a community post, cropping the name, and sharing it in a group chat.
07No selling, no harassment
Two rules about how members treat each other.
Rule 9 — Not a marketplace.
Don’t advertise products, services, courses, coaching, podcasts, shops, or referral links — not even your own. The moment this becomes a place to sell to, it stops being a place to belong.
Okay: “The book ‘Why Does He Do That?’ by Lundy Bancroft helped me. I have no connection to the author.”
Crosses a line: “I just launched a divorce-recovery course — first ten members get 20% off with code HEAL20.”
Rule 10 — No targeting other members.
Disagreeing is fine — say your piece and move on. Chasing someone after she’s asked you to stop, getting around a block, or rallying others against her is harassment, not disagreement.
Okay: “I don’t agree with the choice you made about mediation — in my experience it backfired. I hope it works out for you.”
Crosses a line: Replying to a member over and over after she’s asked you to stop.
08When crisis needs more than community
Rule 11 — Crisis situations go to professionals, not direct messages.
This is peer support, not a crisis hotline. When someone is in immediate danger, no member can replace a trained crisis responder.
If you or another member is in immediate danger:
- 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988
- National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
- Emergency: Call 911
These lines serve the United States. Outside the United States, contact your local emergency number.
Steel Magnolias is peer support — not legal, medical, or mental-health advice or care.
09The rules at a glance
Every member agrees to all of these before joining Steel Magnolias:
- No real names — yours, your ex’s, your kids’, other members’.
- No contact information — phone, email, address, workplace, handles.
- No identifying details — jobs, schools, locations, exact court dates.
- Share what happened to you; don’t give legal advice.
- Say what helped you; don’t diagnose anyone.
- No character attacks on your ex — share what happened, not a verdict.
- No screenshots of anyone’s messages.
- What’s shared here stays here.
- Not a marketplace — no selling or self-promotion.
- No targeting other members.
- Crisis situations go to professionals, not direct messages.
Members also have these tools, found in their account settings:
- You can block anyone, for any reason. They can’t tell.
- You can report accounts or content that feel wrong. Moderators review.
- Direct messages only start with a request you can accept or decline.
- You can delete your own messages at any time.
Crisis resources (988, 911, 1-800-799-7233) live on your Profile screen. They are always there, whether or not you have an active subscription. Steel Magnolias is peer support — not crisis intervention.